Dennis Rhodes

At Sandal Castle by Dennis Rhodes

Thease stooans ev bin stud 'ere fer menny a day
If the cud speyk, Ah bet the'd ev plenty ter say
The wor part o' tcastle when it wor in it's prime
Nah it's nobbut a ruin, wi t’passin o' time
Bur if Ah just sit 'ere an shut mi een
Ah finnd missen at tmiddle on a battle scene
i’ t'Wahrs o' t'Roases - White ageean t’Red
An all arahnd mi ther's wounded an dead
Ah ass missen " 'ah cud the do such a thing"
Cooarse, sum chaps’ll do owt, when the want ter bi t'King

Ther's t’duke o' York marchin 'is men up t'ill
An boath sides 're shahtin "Cum on lads -KILL"
Then t’duke gets slain an ahr lads run
Lankies 're chuffed, fer wunce the've won.
Nah, Ah dunt blame t’gaffers fer wantin ter feight
Tha sees, if their side wins the do awreight
But t'ordinry chap at duz as 'e's telled
Why shud 'e goa ter t'front an risk gerrin felled
Still Ah suppoase it wernt all that strange
When tha thinks abaht it, some things nivver change

Even nah, when tha gets nation ageean nation
It still cums dahn ter t'same situation
T'fellers at t'top ‘ll allus decide
An them at's at bottom ev gor it ter bide
The' answer t'call o' t'bugles an drums
An leeave behind ther sweetearts an mums
Sum on em think at it's nobbut a game
Till the see ther mates deead er blinnded er lame
Eeh, why can't fowk stop all this rattlin o' sabres
An learn ter live i' peace wi ther neighbours

Bikin’ by Dennis Rhodes

Ah'm gerrin on nah an a bit long i' t'tooth
Ah s'll sooin bi a worn aht owd tyke
Bur Ah c'n cast mi mind back ter t'days o' mi youth
Wen Ah spent mooast o' t'time o' mi bike

All ovver t'Broad Acres mooast ivry Sunda
'Ead dahn an' peddlin' madly
Mi father'd sey "Think n it's wark ageean Munda
Tha'll addle ner brass if tha's badly"

But still wi'd bi off as dawn wor just brekkin'
Me an' Dave, mi best mate as wor then
An' a couple 'ahrs later a rest wi'd bi tekkin'
'Awf way ter Scarbro' agen

Wi'd lig aht o' t'sands an ev summat ter ate
'Appen goa aht i' t'sea fer a paddle
Then wi'd set off back 'ooam afoor it got late
Reight pleeased ter bi back sat o' t'saddle

Cooarse coast road warnt onny one 'at wi'd ride
Wi tried all soarts o' tours
Wi travelled God's cahnty far an' wide
O'er t'dales an' wolds an' mooars

Ter Wetherby, Knaresbro' an' Ripon wi went
Ter Doncaster, Hatfield an' Goole
An' menny an 'appy 'ahr Ah've spent
At Otley er llkley er Poole

Ah'll admit the' wor times wen t'legs wor achin'
An' t'backside feelin' sooar
Ah might a thowt 'at fooitball laikin'
'Ud 'appen o' suited mi mooar

But that thowt sooin left mi mind
Ah wudn't a gi'en up bikin'
No other spoart Ah'd ivver find
Ter bi mooar ter mi likin'

Well, nah Ah'm owd, mi legs is bad
Ah cudn't ride t'bike terday
But memories o' t'times Ah've 'ad
The' can't tek them away

Bowlin’ by Dennis Rhodes

On Thursda morn sin Ah finished wark
Ah've ta'en ter laikin' bowls i' t'park
Wi reight enjoy it, mi mates an' me
Tho' menny a time wi disagree
Abaht which wood's cloisest up ter t'jack
Tha'd nivver believe all t'pains wi tak
Even if the's leeast bit o' dabt
"Fotch a measure" sumb'dy 'll shaht

Tha'd think wi wor laikin' fer t'gowd cup
Steead o' just passin' an 'ahr till time ter sup
But ther int ner malice, it's all i' fun
An' wi allus shak 'ands wen t'match is dun
An' chooase whoa's wun, it's gen'r'ily Pete
Wi arrange nex' wik ageean ter meet

Then off ter t'pub fer us Yorksheer pud
An' a couple o' pints, 'and pulled thra t'wood
The's one o' t'lads 'at's a bit on a funny un
'E likes 'is gravy baht onny onion
Wen t'Missus taks t'order tha'll 'ear 'im shaht
"Can ta do us one wi'aht"

Cooarse, Trinity's problems wi'll discuss
An' purrin' t'world ter reights is nowt fer us
Then off back 'ooam fer a bit on a snooze
That's t'on'y trouble wi dinnertime booze
Aye, Thursdas 're t'ighlight o' mi wik
An' by gum, the' doant afe cum rahnd quick

Clare by Dennis Rhodes

Ah wor at mi mates, evvin a sup o' tea
Wen a young lass cem in aht o' t'wet
As bonny a seet as tha's likely ter see
Wi a smile tha'd noan easy ferget

Shi'd bin aht ridin' i' t’rain an t'cowd
on er favourite 'oss Billy Boy
Cooarse, the dunt noatice weather wen ther eight year owd
An the've an 'obby like that ter enjoy

Ter see t'bairn soa 'appy fair gi'ed mi a glow
Shi wor laffin wi nivver a care
Ah reckon one o' t'nicest lasses Ah know
Is mi mate's young grandowter, Clare

Clearin’ T’Air by Dennis Rhodes

Smoakin's a disgustin 'abit
Accoardin ter ahr lass
It's killin mi, it meks t'owse stink
An it costs a lot o' brass

Shi sez "Ther's twenty pahnd a week
At's goin up i' smoke
An nivver 'eed wor it duz ter thee
Tha sud think on other fowk"

Eeh, Ah've ed sum blissful moments
At t'fireside wi mi pipe
But nahadays Ah can't leet up
Baht sum'dy starts ter gripe

Mi dowter carries on mooar ner t'wife
Complainin ovver t’reek
Tha owt ter've 'eeard tongue-lashin
At shi gied mi tuther week

Mindst, Ah knaw mi mornin coff gets wahr
Mi lungs mun bi in a state
An if Ah dunt do summat sooin
It's bahn ter bi too late

An when An 'eear t'so called experts
It fills mi wi alarm
The reckon a smoky atmosphere
Cud well do t’granbairns 'arm

Them two 're t'apple on mi e'e
A champion little pair
An t'thowt o' bringin em ter grief
Is mooar ner Ah can bear

Soa Ah've med mi mind up, Ahm bahn ter quit
Ah'll pack away mi briar
Then fowk'll appen treat mi reight
Steead o'like an owd pariah

Colours O’T’Year by Dennis Rhodes

JANUARY
Gen'lly speykin, tha can reckon at it'll bi cowd i' January an if wi bahn ter get sum snaw, mooar nor likely that's when it'll cum. Ah knaw at it's a damn nuisance if tha's ter ger abaht ennywheear an i' t'tahn it sooin turns ter slush an ruins thi booits bur a nice snaw covered scene aht i' t'country is as bonny a seet as tha’ll see. That's what cums ter mind fer me when Ah think abaht January soa Ah've got ter seh at t'colour fer this month is WHITE.

FEBRUARY
One thing tha can ber certain abaht i' Febyary is at t'shops 'll bi full o' stuff for Valentine's Day an tha can spend a lot o' silly brass if tha's a mind. Ah suppoase ther's nowt much wrong wi choclets er flahrs er even cannle lit dinners ter pleease thi 'earts desire but sendin cards ter tell sumbdy abaht thi true love an then not signin em seems barmy ter me. Ah'll admit at Ah've done mi share o' gallivantin after lasses bur it meks mooar sense ter tell em straight ter ther face what tha thinks an if the tell thi ter get lost tha can try thi luck sumwheear else wiaht wastin time wundrin if the got thi message. Mooinin abaht feelin lovesick wor nivver my style. Ah think t'colour ter associate wi a soppy sentimental time like this is a sickly shade o' PINK

MARCH
It cums in like a lion an goas aht like a lamb so the seh. Well, even tho' t'seasons get jumbled up thease days it's reyt at mooar often than not it'll bi windy i' March. Ah'm not ser sure abaht it goin aht like a lamb tho'. It dunt ayf blow up on 'eath Common at t'back end o' t'month when t'feeast cums. Ther's times when t'stallholders ev all on ter keep ther covers thra blawin away an Ah remember one year when t'big wheel ed ter cloise dahn cos it wor too dangerous. Ponderin abaht all this, Ah wor thinkin what colour duz it leead mi ter an Ah asses ahr lass what shi associated wi t'wind. Shi sez "Peys, cabbige an sprouts" an Ah thowt, Oh aye - GREENS

APRIL
Esta ivver bin ter Farndale i' April. Ther's bus loads cum thra all ovver ter see t'wild daffodils an if tha times it reyt an drops on a nice day it's a seet worth seein anawl. Cooarse, moast fowk grow daffs i' ther gardins an t'Cahncil plant em i' rahndabahts an grass verges at t'side o' t'rooad soa ther's allus a vast on em ter see choose wheear yer goa. Ah knaw at the doant last ser long an at after the finish bloomin t'leeaves ger a bit stragly an messy but the seem ter tell thi at winter's ovver an it's Sping ageean. Tha can fair feel thi spirits risin. If tha cums accross 'oast on em, as yon poet feller puts it, ther like a yeller carpit, soa that's mi colour this month - YELLOW

MAY
Same as a lot o' fowk nahadays, me an t'missis go abrooad fer us 'olidas ter meck sure on a bit o' sun. Wi dunt want it too 'ot tho' ner too crahded so wi gen'lly go i' May. it's still plenty wahm enuff i' Spain, Italy, Greece er enny o' them places an ther's allus fowk ligged aht o' t'beaches soakin up t'sun. Not at we do owt much o' that bur as wi stroll dahn t'prom tha's foarced ter noatice all t'young men an wimmin wi nowt much on, showin off ther tanned bodies. Sum o' t'buxom lasses goin arahnd topless ‘re enuff ter gi'e thi palpitations an 'appen wuss if t'wife catches thi lukkin. Well, that's mi colour fer May -BRONZE.

JUNE
This is mi fav'rite month. Altho' it's mi birthday an Ah get ter bi a year owder Ah still think it's t'nicest part o' t'year. All bein well, t'weather should bi awreyt an tha gets them long days when ther 'ardly seems ter bi any neet time at all. Canta just pitcher liggin aht on a grassy bank, gazin up at a clear sky wi mebbe a scrap o' white clahd driftin accross. Tha's nivver seen such a gorgeous blue in thi life. Aye, June's colour 'as got ter bi BLUE.

JULY
Sum fellers worry thersens sick ovver retirement, bein on life's scrap 'eap an wondrin what ter do ter pass time on bur Ah dunt see it like that. Ser long as tha keeps active an 'as enuff brass ter manage wiaht scrimpin ter much, life's awreyt. Fer one thing, tha can spend mooar time wi thi granbairns. Mi grandowter fancies 'ersen as a bit on a runner an one o' mi pleasures is goin up to t'schooil on spooarts day. Ivvrybody meks a put ter see at it's a good do, 'specially t' caretekker. 'e guz ter tahn wi buntin ivvrywheear an Ah think the mun a picked up a job lot cheeap cos t'biggest part on it's t'same colour. Ther's diffrent balloons o' cooarse an t'kids weear team tee-shirts bur as tha walks thru t'gate inta t'cloise, thi ovverall impression is breet ORANGE.

AUGUST
Long schoill 'olidas! Younguns thease days are allus moanin abaht evvin nowt ter do bur as Ah recall it when Ah wor a lad wi wor laikin aht thra morn ter neet an ther wernt enuff 'ahrs i' t'day. Ne'er mind abaht t'weathermen's records, An knaw it nivver used ter rain i' August. Mi best mate's fatther wor a farmer an wi ed sum grand times dahn at 'is place. lt'd bi 'arvest time durin t'schooil 'olidas an wi'd go up ter t'field wi t'men an reckon ter 'elp tho Ah suppoase wi wor really mooar on 'indrance. If Ah shut mi een Ah can see it nah, a field o' ripe corn waitin for t'baler. Ah'm not sure what colour tha'd call it - sooart o' creamy beige 'appen but wi'll go poetic an call it GOLD

SEPTEMBER
Yer'll ev gathered thra mi ramblins up ter nah at Ah'm an ahtdooar type an summat Ah like ter do is wander rahnd country lanes pickin blags. Ther's nowt much ter beat a nice blackberry an apple pie an my missis can mek one. So Ah get pleasure boath rooads - blaggin an eytin t'pies at after not ter mention gerrin t'fruit fer nowt. Black allus meks thi think o' sad things tho' an ther's nowt misrable abaht September, it's a champion time o' year. Nay, it mun bi better ter link it wi a rich colour same as thi fingers go wi t'blaggy juice - PURPLE.

OCTOBER
Finnd thissen a bit o' risin grahnd wheear tha can gaze accross at a patch o' woodland and ther’ll bi a gradeley view choose when it is. Even i' winter t'bare branches on t'trees spread aht stark ageean t'sky i' majestic fashion. Then cum spring the staht turnin breet green wi t'new leeaves till the end up i' summer covered wi foliage. Bur it's at t'back end when ther at ther best. just afooar t'leeaves fall the turn ter all diffrent shades o' brahn an t'trees look marvellous. Fowk travel ter America ter see New England i' t'fall but ther's enuff seets i' Owd England ter suit me. That's thi colour fer October - BROWN

NOVEMBER
Wor a dowly month November is. It's dahk bi teatime on t'best o' days an ther int ser many o' them, sumtimes it 'ardly gets leet at all. Bairns 'appen ger a bit o' fun wi ther mischief neet an ther bonfires but for mooast on us wi doant want ter shift thra t'fire side wi us knees up t'chimla. What wi t'fog an drizzle an low clahd it's noa pleasure goin aht ennywheear. Ther's not much colour left i' t'gardin an ivvrythin's a mucky GREY

DECEMBER
Ther's onny one thing at dominates December an that's Chrismas an all t'shoppin at guz wi it. Ivvybody's trailin abaht lukkin fer presents at the can't affooard for fowk at the dunt care abaht all t'rest o' t'year. Fellers end up wi ties at the wudn't weear under 'igh neck jumper an lasses get perfume at the dunt like t'smell on even if it did cost mooar ner gowd dust. Then ther's all t'Chrismas dinners wi ivvry group at tha a member on, double t'price an packed like sardines. Cooarse it int all bad, ther's t'carol service wi t'Silver Band when tha can ev a reyt good sing an ther's enuff fowk ter drahn thi so it dunt matter abaht bein i' tune An it's grand ter ger all t'famiy tergether fer once, eytin an suppin an 'ooapfully not fallin aht. Then when tha thinks abaht Rudolph's nooase, 'olly berries an thi bank balance, one colour's fooarced ter cum ter mind - RED.

David And Goliath by Dennis Rhodes

T'Phillistines an Israelis wor allus fallin aht
Tar live nex dooar the simply cudnt abide
Soa the got set fer a battle, lvvry man wor tekkin part
At Elah Valley the wor lined up awther side

Nah boath lots ed a varry fair sized army
An fer sure ther'd bi a lot on em get maimed
Then one o' t’gaffers sez "Ay up lads this is barmy
An when t’wives finnd aht it's me at 'll bi blamed"

"Soa why dunt boath sides put just one man aht i' t'field
An agree as 'ow whichivver on em losses
Fellers at laik on 'is team mun all bow dahn an yield
An leeave all them an t’uther side ter bi t'bosses'

Well t’Phillistines wor laffin, the'd got Goliath o' Gath
An abaht 'im the edn't got ner dahts at all
The reckoned it wor certain at nubdy cud bar 'is path
Noa wunder - 'e wor aboon six cubits tall

When t'lsraelis saw 'im, the thowt the edn't gor a chance
"E's invincible" the sed "An that's the truth"
But young David sez "Dunt worry lads Ah'll lead yon chap a dance
Even though Ah knaw Ah'm nobbut just a youth'

Goliath lukked at David an sed "Owd on, this int reight
Wi ant cum all this way just fer a lark
Ther's all thease fowk stud waitin ter see a proper feyt
An tha can't expect a bairn ter do men's wark"

E shahted an e bawled aht in a voice soa deep
An e waved abaht 'is swoard an 'is spear
But David ed chased bears an lions thra 'is sheep
Soa e reckoned at e'd nowt ser much ter fear

It wor plain ter see Goliath wor a giant among men
Young David dint cum much aboon 'is knees
Bur e puts a stoan in 'is sling, swung it rahnd an then
E smacked Goliath reight atween ‘is e'es

Goliath dropped on t'flooar an t'Phillistines all fled
No question abaht young David bein t'winner
Soa t,Israelis gi'ed ther champion a frenly pat o’ t'ed
Then ivvrybody went 'ooam fer ther dinner

Easter by Dennis Rhodes

Easter's a champion time o' t'year
The's daffs an crocusses ivvrywhear
Winter's just abaht ovver an dun
Tha c'n start lukkin forrard to a bit o' wahm sun

Tha c'n gerraht i' t'gardin fer a breath o' fresh air
Steead ' peakin i' t'owse i' thi fireside chair
All thi plants 'll ev started showin
An a' cooarse if it's dry, thi lawn 'll want mowin

Good Friday t'wife 'll bi sure ter bake
Sum ‘ot cross buns an simnel cake
Granbairns 'll want sum when the call
An shi'll ev getten em a choclet egg anawl

Wi mun goa ter t'church on Easter morn
It’s one o' t’few times 'at mi suit gets worn
Later on t'fam’ly cum rahnd ter the' tea
Salmon an salad Ah 'spect it'll be

On t'Mundi mi lad 'll gu ter Belle Vue
Ter see ah Wakefield Trinity do
An Ah'll tek t'granbairns ter 'Eath Common fair
The' doant awf keep mi young yon pair

But Tuesdi's t'day at Ah like moast
Me an ahr lass 'll ride ovver ter t'coast
Ah've allus bin fond o' t'sea an t'sand
An a stroll an t'prom - by Gow that's grand

That neet at t'club it'll bi t'Easter Parade
Wimin showin off t'fancy bonnits the've made
All trimmed up wi ribbins an flahers
Sum on em must spend 'ahrs an ahrs

Yer'll 'appen think life sahnds a bit an a bore
Doin all t'same things as wi've dun afooar
But tradition is summat at Ah od dear
An Easter's a champion time o' t'year

Emblems by Dennis Rhodes

Nah, up i' Bonny Scotland
Wheear Rab Burns wrote 'is sonnits
Ter show at ther a prickly lot
The weear thistles i’ ther bonnits

An ovver theear i’ t’Land o' Song
i’ t'valleys an on t'ills
Whenivver it's St David's day
The all weear daffodills

Fowk seem ter like an emblem
It shows wheear the from tha sees
i’ Ireland the've got shamrocks
An i' France it's Fleur de Lys

Bur up north i' God's cahnties
As ivvrybody knows
The've chozzen far ther symbol
A bonny English rose

Among t'cotton mills i' Lancasheer
Wheear t'second teamers bide
The use a Tudor rose o' red
An the weear it wi sum pride

But 'ere i' t'Brooad Acres
Wi're 'eead an showders above t'rest
An wi weear a rose o' tpurest white
Ter show at wi’re "The Best"

Soa all ye lads an lasses
Cum on, oppen up yer throits
Sing aht "On Ilkla mooar baht 'at"
An pin a white rose on yer coits

Yer can travel abaht all ovver t'world
Go ennywheear yer like
Just point ter t'rose an seh ter fowk
"Sither, Ahm a tyke"